Hey Lloyd, I'm ready to be heartbroken

I'm sitting at home watching bad daytime TV. I'm that bored. "Why?" you may ask, "Why would such an awesome fabulous person like you be sitting at home with nothing to do while you and all your friends have the day off school?"

Well, I had plans to hang out with Russel Nick. I never get to see him (since he lives in Russel...) and so today there was this big plan that after Nick's sleepover with Geoff, Geoff would drive Nick into the cty and Nick would hang out with me until my work. I was excited.

So the next thing that happens is that Kirsten wants in on the fun in Russel and asks her dad if she can sleepover and in a stunning display of Kirsten's dad being so unpredictable, he said yes. As did Nick's parents. So then Alex decided to join in too. Apparently I was invited at some point, but I honestly do not remember ever having been invited. Because I would have said yes.

So I hung out a bit with Nick after my exam yesterday, we finalized our plans for the real hanging out to be done the next day. He went to write his exams and then have the party I wasn't in on. I called that evening and they were having too much fun to talk to me, which felt great. Today, after my class was done, I called Nick to see where he was at. Here is our conversation.

Me: Hello?
Kirsten: Hey Evey it's Kirsten. Oh... man... we just woke up... here, I'll pass the phone to Nick so you can talk to him.
Nick: Hi?
Background: *laughter and sounds of making breakfast*
Evey: So... what's happenning?
Nick: We just woke up... so...
Evey: I finished my class and you're still in Russel, so I guess I'll go home and we'll meet up later?
Nick: Um... I think the consensus is everyone wants to hang out here and play Starcraft and cards and stuff...
Evey: So, I don't get to see you today?
Nick: I don't think so, no.
Evey: Great.
Nick: I'm sorry, I promise we'll hang out soon.
Evey: When? You know there's no time we can.
Nick: Yeah... I'm really sorry.
Evey: Your loss.
Nick: I know.
Evey: No. Really, really, your loss.

There's more to this story but this blog is a little public to tell it right now. If you want full details, add me on msn. Or AIM. Or whatever.

So my advice to you is: next time you have to go to the DMV, you'd better bring along your wings.

"There's a tear in the fabric, of your favourite dress/ and I'm stealing glances."

I was just on CBC1's Ontatrio today talking about how people should have their own common sense instead of having it legislated by government, which does very little, especially with teenagers. The real reason I was on is that I tried to get on the gardening phone-in for help with my bonsai tree, but I didn't get through and I felt like arguing with Rita Celli about something.

So, I'm learning to drive now! I'm very excited. While I don't like how people drive everywhere (except at 7am when I just really don't want to bus to school in the dark. Or when it's cold.), and I know the state of our ozone sucks... but nothing beats sitting in the driver's seat with your mom beside you, gripping the seat every time you go over 20 (km/h, for you Americans). What a perfect metaphor for teenage-dom.

On Friday, I saw Russel Nick briefly when we had biology exams at the same time. We chatted, and then talked about how we should both be going -- I, to work, as usual, and he said he needed to go to Mike's (Yes, THE Mike) house to drop off Mike's calculator which Nick had borrowed. I, being the, kind and generous soul that I am, pointed out that I was about to go to work where Mike also works, and why shouldn't I take it to him and save Nick the trip? So that's what we did.

If only I had remembered I had Mike's calculator. If only I have been thirsty, or bored, and had needed to retrieve my water bottle or book from my backpack while at work. If only I had kept my mouth shut. Unfortunately, none of these situations are what happenned. Instead, I totally forgot I had Mike's calculator and I went home without completing my promised task.

So, on Sunday, Nick signs on to msn and angrily reminds me that I was supposed to give Mike his calculator and I forgot. I was doing him a favour, he could have been a little nicer to me. But I had forgotten, and in my haste to correct my mistake, I imed Mike, who was also online, and told him I'd be over in 15 minutes to return the calculator. He told me which house he was at, and I left.

Since I had given him such ample warning, I was somewhat perplexed when I rang the doorbell and saw him approaching through the warped glass and I realized he wasn't wearing a shirt. Yes, big deal, blah blah, I understand. But Mike and I had conversations about many things while we were dating, and even after we broke up, and there are two things he knows very well that apply to this situation.
1) Despite his slightly on the emaciated side of things appearance, I still find him very attractive without a shirt on.
2) I'm having a much harder time getting over our relationship than he is. Had. Whatever.

So I was feeling kind of like the porch was rolling under my feet when he openned the door. I handed him the calculator and he said thanks. And all I could do was give him a thumbs up, turn around and walk away in what I hope was a dignified way. But I probably looked like my legs were jelly-like. Which they were. I can't believe how lame I can be. Or how much seeing him once, for 10 seconds, without his shirt on made me think of many, many things and made me really, really want to find someone -- anyone -- and make out with them. Preferably in front of Mike, to show him how over him I am. Maybe I'll take my shirt off.

Think it will work?



So my advice to you is: next time you have to go to the DMV, you'd better bring along your wings.

An amusing winterlude. I mean interlude.

Setting: my kitchen.

Me: Hey Ellie, do you want some of this Banana of Truth?
Ellie: How do you know it's a Banana of Truth?
Me: It hasn't lied yet, has it?
Ellie: I guess. Oh, don't eat those they aren't ripe yet.
Me: This one is ripe. *takes a bite* oh man! It isn't ripe yet.
Ellie: It lied to you. It isn't the Banana of Truth after all.

So my advice to you is: next time you have to go to the DMV, you'd better bring along your wings.

Originally, Iris was going to be here since that's the song I was going to listen to, but decided it was a Bad Idea.

I wonder how it is that one does the work sheets for the class, gets everything right, understands it all, studies, and then doesnt even half finish the test. What's with you Mr St Aubin? I've been good little chem student! I try hard! And this is what I get?

*****
In the hall, after StudCo meeting. (FYI, Erika and Adam = <3)

Erika's pants: *start failling down AGAIN*

Evey: Erika, I think your pants are a little big.

Erika: Yeah...

Evey: I think you need a belt.

Adam: Hey!

Evey: You know what, for you birthday, I'm going to buy you a-

Adam: *lunges for Evey* Nonononono!

*****

I really want to be creative. I like writing prose and such. Heck, I'll even dabble in some poetry. But I never seem to be inspired. Ever! This is highly distressing. How does one become inspired? How?

*****

After school, 20 minutes after learning my boss had to skip work today. I was to be in charge of my groupe, Mike, in charge of everything (don't even get me started...). Also to note: I'm not often late for work. If I am, it's due to bad driving, and I always call ahead.
My phone rings. The caller ID says "Mike--cell"

Me: Hello Mike?
Mike: Hi. Are you going to be here?
Me: Ye-ess... Why, are you not there?
Mike: No, I'm here now.
Me: Yes I'll be on time.
Mike: Well, if you weren't going to get here, then I would have to go and get everyone.
Me: *checks time and sees it's 10 minutes before I need to be at work* I'll be there in just a sec.
Mike: Ok. Bye.
I hang up
Me: Yes Mike, because I am just such a flake that I was planning on being late to spite you.

And I really, really wanted to. Oh, but with Karma's help, all was well. I spent the afternoon in my room with my quiet kids ( They have been well trained). They read silently/worked on math (without Mike, AKA Mathboy) while I followed around behind Mike quietly calming down the kids after Mike tried the "sit down and shut up" method. Which of course works every time.

This little bungalow with some strange new friends

So apparently, bomb threats are the new fire alarm.

Last year, we had a rash of fire alarms which resulted in a lot of missed class and pissed off teachers. About a month ago, someone phoned in a bomb threat. First there was a lock down, and then they were evacuated at three. Today, we had another lock down. We've been having many lock downs for drugs searches lately, so we weren't surprised, and kept working in chem.
(Oh yeah... these drug searches? so far, only in open and other non-gifted classes. Good thing, I'm sure quite a few people would get busted.)

But then they evacuated everyone. The bio classes were very pissed off, because they were in the middle of a dissection, and I was pissed off because I had to wear my new flats through the snow. I had raisins for feet all day.

But then we did the dissection, which is pretty damn awesome. I had no clue how awesome. Erica took over our pig and is hogging the scapel while Cassie and I hold Tofu (our pig). The dissection continues tomorrow.

Aaaand, instead of a spare, I have grade 12 chem per 2 next semester. Why? Because of Hodgson. So, so sad. But I have Magwood and he's a cool guy. My St Aubin thinks I should study chemistry in University, but I don't see that happenning.
Oh yeah... and I get a science free year next year. Sweet deal. And spare. I hope.

hundred years, hundred more, someday we may see a woman king

I'm about to send my article. And I just finished my virtual pig dissection. I will be dissecting a fetal pig tomorrow in Bio. Gross, I know.

So Hodgson isn't teaching my Writer's Craft class anymore. To say I'm mad is an understatement. Because there's all kinds of sad mixed in there too. Now, I have all crappy teachers. Yeah. I'm hoping to switch into grade 12 chem and get that done. Plus I'd have class with Adam, which would be nice. I'd like to get to know him, he's a nice guy. But still. No Hodge. Emily found out today and was nearly in tears all afternoon. She was in shock.

There's a grad trip to Cancun next march break (not this one). I heard about it yesterday. I have to decide by the 24th. Usually this is done in like, October, ish. Yes, for a year and a half later, but still, this is last minute. Deposit due on Jan 24. I really really really want to go. Unfortunately, my year of grads aren't my close friends. And Kirsten doesn't share my enthusiasm for going somewhere warm. (Ms I went to Atlantis Resort every year for forever).

WE HAVE snow! Real, proper, lovely, fluffy snow. Can you say skiing this weekend? screw exam study.

That was a boring post. Sorry.

Victory is mine! It's a good day in the morning because victory is mine.

I finished! My article is DONE! I am very proud of it. I already have a plan for another article for them, so I hope this one goes well.

Also, my favourite blogger is up and blogging and so life is very very good. Exams are almost here which for most means stress, but for me means time off and happy. I can't wait.

Maybe I'm a little bit over my head/ I come undone at the things he said

Girls' night last night chez Erika with Lorien. Too much fun. Pictures to follow. Teaser: 3 little monsters...

So, about a month and a half ago, I emailed Shameless magazine (after psyching myself up for a couple weeks -- thank you mcc!) and pitched them an article about Insight Theatre for their section called "The In-Group". The website said to be patient because it might take them a couple weeks or months to get back to me. 4 days later, they emailed me back with their approval.

So I was planning on writing it over Christmas Break, but my teachers seemed to have forgotten the break part of that and I ended up working on homework the second week. The result? I haven't started yet. And my deadline is monday.

I can't seem to get myself going. I cant even start it. I keep trying to and don't. I want it to be really good... after all, this is a NATIONALLY published magazine that I would get to be in. It has to be good. Because I'd like to write something else for them.

This is an invitation for all of you to give me a BIG kick in the pants. You all have my email address, and moral support/advice would be much appreciated.

The time has come, the walrus said...

This is one of those posts that needs to get done.

Lots of people read my blog. That's great! I love it. I am in no way discouraging people from doing that. However: lately, I find myself censoring what I want to write, because I don't know how people will react, who will read it, etc, etc. This has been bugging me. Because I started this blog so I could talk and you could listen. This isn't meant to be a democracy people. It's a Evey-ocracy. Which means: I talk, you listen.

I have decided that I'm going to go with that and stop censoring myself. Sure, there are some things I'm not going to write because it's REALLY too much information, but things that happen in my life that I want to discuss? They'll go down here.

Why this sudden change of heart? I finally talked to my mom. We had one of those conversations where I grit my teeth and come right out and ask her something that I'm convinced she's not going to like and will lead to a very awkward conversation. But it didn't lead to that. Instead, we had a great, un-awkward conversation in which I came to realize, yet again, how cool my mom is. And if my mom can be that cool, why can't my lovely readers?

So if you're someone who thinks they shouldn't have read something on my blog, you are pretty much wrong. I'm not going to publish secrets or things I don't want my mom to know (well... not big things) because that could have a way of getting back to her. You don't get back what you put out on the web.

So enjoy my new, self-censorship free blog. It may not seem too different to you, but it will to me. I hope uncensored me is even cooler than censored me.

PS: I'm having a bitch of a time finding a colour scheme to stick with. If you have an opinion on one you like that I do/have done, let me know. Because I have no clue what looks good.

We swear we'll love you more...

What happenned to all the teen magazines? In the past few years, teen magazines keep going under. YM, ELLEgirl -- and not just USA, but Canada, Quebec, Britain... The best one! What happenned? Do we really want 12 year old ELLEgirl fans to be reading ELLE, and its articles that are of a decidedly more adult nature ("OhMiBod" anyone?). Yeah. Too wierd for words. All that's left is Seventeen, which used to be good, but has gone downhill. I'll just stick with my Shameless.

#200

Happy New Year everyone, and 200th post. I wrote a post about this but Picasa/blogger ate it, and I was tired and don't remember what it said, so I hope this is good enough. Some might say it's a little emo, but I would call it "introspective". Whatever it is, I decided to write it, so there you go.

Remember when I first started blogging? I think I was in grade 8, and I was trying to be cool, like all you superior, awesome "high schoolers". I am so glad I did, and I got to know you guys, because honestly (yeah, yeah get ready for the sappy cliché) I wouldn't be the person I am now without you guys. You were the ones who helped me see that I am a cool person and gave me self esteem and all that great coming-of-age novel type stuff. And for that I thank you.

Even in this past year, I have changed a lot too. I stopped being that girl who dreamed about a boy kissing her, and was that girl who had a boyfriend and was madly in love. It was an amazing first relationship, none of the silly "I guess I like you... we should date because it is expected of us." We were in love in that, totally convinced it's going to last forever kind of way. And that is so hard, but at the same time, it seems like that's the way to have a really strong connection with someone. You have to believe it will last, otherwise it's not the same, it has a looming endpoint that adds an air of "what's the point?"

So maybe I know nothing about this. I have after all had only one (aforementioned) relationship, so what do I really know about relationships? I don't know. I'm bullshitting. I'm pulling it out of my head. But I think it makes sense regardless.

The other thing I learned this year? Breaking up. I learned how it feels to have the wind pushed out of you (literally) when your main support deserts you. It scared me. I was so scared and anxious, it was physically painful. I remember lying in bed with my mom (I couldn't be alone. I couldn't do it. I crawled into bed with my mom because I needed someone to hold me.) and wanting to fall asleep so I could get some relief from the pain. Pain I couldn't do anything about. I felt so hopeless, so powerless. And I was. By the way, Nathan, Jonah, thank you so much for being there. Without you... it would have been bad. Worse, anyway. I didn't want to scare you; and I thank you for letting my blubber away like a fountain (I realize what a downer I was for the rest of the trip).

Finally, finally, I'm coming out of it. Sure, when I see Mike I have a pang of sadness, where I miss him. I still think about what I could have done to fix everything, to have had things turn out differently. And I still dread the day he finds someone else and I completely become Kendra (his other ex). But I see now that life will go on. It does. Also, I have (for the first time ever) learned to stand on my own two feet. I've been so used to wholly depending on someone (Avery, Mike) that I couldn't stand alone. I always needed that person to reassure me in EVERYTHING (I'm sure it was exhausting). And I'm learning to figure it out for myself. I still can't trust my opinion or my theories (hence my English class issues, which is all about interpretation & theories), but I'm hoping that will come in time. And I'm excited about dating! I really am. I hope it starts happening, because I'm looking forward to it.

Finally: Yay! People read my blog! I'm so glad. Keep doing so! (Yes, Jonah, it was a little low, but it worked, didn't it?)

To Jennifer: I'm so glad you read my blog! I know my life isn't as interesting as Marlie's, but I do my best. I hope you enjoy!

To everyone: Quick! Help me make my life interesting so I can blog about it!