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I didn't know I could hurt this much.

Mike and I broke up. Last Tuesday. Yes, on msn while I was in Indiana. Sucks, eh? I was shaking so much I scared myself almost as much as Nate and Jonah. And the crying. I don't think I've cried so much in my life. When the crying stopped the shaking came. It was like crying wasn't enough. I had to do something more and I couldn't so I just shook. Like a leaf. And then I felt so sick I thought I was dying. I seriously considered throwing myself down the stairs because the physical pain would distract me. It sounded like a good plan. I'm so glad that Nate and Jonah were there. I have no idea what I would have done without them.
The sick lasted. I could barely eat, and if I did I felt sick. It was the anxiety. I was worried about coming home, because part of me still had hope that when I got home, we'd fix it. But here I am, at home, and I just saw him and it's over. Really over.
I miss him so much. Even though he's still my friend, I miss him more than I've ever missed anything or anyone in my entire life. I don't know what to do. (No suggestions, please.)