Take me, Take me to the riot/ and let me stay

At the beginning of this year something happenned. I started on a long journey that's less like a forward motion and more like freefalling. This journey is called Applying to University.

Applying to University is a scary experience. It involves many parts, which include (but are not limited to) Googling Universities, Visiting University Fairs, Visiting Universities, Freaking Out About Grades, Hounding Teachers for Recommendation Letters, and, the best one, Applying for Scholarships.

Having tackled a bunch of these already, tonight I decided to start in on Applying for Scholarships. As any student might, I mosied on over to studentawards.com, filled out their extensive survey and pressed "go" to match me up with scholarships I might be interested in.

And I was confronted with a loooong list. There were a few that I was able to count out and there are about 5 that are the same "community involvment" thing, which means work once for many things. You know, your general, run of the mill "an essay of 500 words [how is that considered and essay? So short!] about community involvment(s)". And then there was one that was more exciting.

The CBC Literary Awards. Basically, you submit poetry (1000-2000 words) or a short story or piece of creative nonfiction (both 2000-2500 words) and you can win lots of money to put toward school. Sounds good yes? Maybe not. See, much as I enjoy reading, I have nothing to submit. Bummer. Until my mother suggests I try something from my blog.

This is an interesting idea. Something from my blog... but my blog is just a place where I write for fun about my day and my opinions and... hey wait, doesn't that fit into creative nonfiction? I guess so. So I'm going to beef up a piece I've already written (by adding about 1500 words) and submitting that. I think. I don't know if that's what they want though. Will it be good enough? Is it appropriate to submit a blog piece to a scholarship application? Most importantly, does anyone want to help me with this thing???

So, I'm a little stressed and alone. This thing is due Nov 1 (along with every other application, apparently) and I'm not sure I'll be ready by then. Plus, even if I am, is it worth it when I most likely won't win? So many questions running around my head.



Note: If anyone caught the Japanese Grand Prix last night/this morning, they were lucky. It was EPIC. And heartbreaking. Honestly the best F1 race I've ever seen.

Stick to the B.E.A.T. / Get ready to ignite

Today I had the privilege to go and see a collaboration between the NAC and the Royal Shakespeare Company of England. This collaboration is Margaret Atwood's new play (based off the book) The Penelopiad. It's is a play that tells Penelope's side of the story of The Odyssey. Penelope tells the story of her marriage to Odysseus, and how she fell in love with him and then recounts the story the Odyssey skims over: the story of Penelope's long years of wait in Ithica with her twelve handmaids. Atwood takes a character with little depth in the Odyssey and breathes life into her, creating a new intelligent, funny, scared, hopeful woman where there was no detail before.

As I said, this was put on by the RSC and the NAC together. The cast is mostly from the RSC, with a few from Canada. They worked on the play even as Atwood was finishing it and it's the first production. It is also a women-only cast. All characters were played by the twelve handmaids using costume changes, sometimes changes on stage. The lighting was great, the actors were amazing and though certain uptight CBC critics didn't like parts of it (if you listen to CBC1, you know who I'm talking about) I have one thing to say about it:

It was fucking AMAZING.

Easily my favourite stage show I've ever seen. I love love love love love love loved it. Sure Atwood has a tendancy to add pretentiousness in here and there, but it really didn't affect the production as a whole. It really was a breathtaking piece.

Walking back from the NAC, everyone had great things to say about the show and how good it was. Some are of the anti-Atwood mind frame, but they still really liked it. I was dicussing the play with a friend and the two drama teachers Ms K and Ms Szeles, aka, Hellish-teacher-I-had-last-year. I was saying how much I LOVED it and my friend teasingly said "yes, but you are Evey and you're a feminist."

Ms Szeles: Oh Evey, is that so? You're something of a feminist?

Me: Well, Ms Szeles, do you support equal rights for women and men?

Ms Szles: Yes...

Me: Then you're a feminist too.

Thank you Tomato Nation for that response.

So seriously guys, go see it.

Il faudra que je cours jusqu'au bout

When you walk into French class and hear that you will be working on a story that everyone but you has read and that you need the book you forgot at home (while attempting to catch up to everyone else), you start the get the feeling french class isn't going to go well that day. It's a pretty valid assumption. It's one I made today about 10 minutes into french class.

"Well why did you come to my class, then, if you did not have your book?" This was the answer to "Miss, may I borrow an extra copy of the anthology please?" (I never did get one). I sat down and instead stared at my feet for 20 minutes (a summer of Birkenstocks means my feet look more like the barnacles on Orli's dad's face in Pirates than parts of my body. That is a whole other story to be told later on. Sounds thrilling, I know.)

Anyway. The point of the exercises was to try, in a fictional court setting, the main character of the story to see if he had committed any crimes (he was in fact the victim of a society that forced him into such situations, but I only learned this later). I was on the defense side. The prosecution was much better organised. The only direction from the teacher was "Use only what is in the text".

Well, the prosecution was enthusiastic, but then stepped all over themselves. They made up witnesses, admitted stealing was ok, and their lead prosecutor didn't speak french. Our side was doing pretty well, aided by me, yelling out random things like "They just said stealing was ok!" and "That's not from the text! I object!" and "That lawyer can't speak french! She obviously has no idea what she's talking about!"

In the end, the judge found the character not guilty on all counts, and listed my various (loud) points as their reasons. So the moral of this story is you don't have to know anything in order to win. You just need to yell louder than anyone else.

Those teenage hopes who have tears in their eyes/ too scared to own up to one little lie

Today has been living up to its full potential of awesome, so far.

Waking up groggy (thanks to loud friends of roommate) and with a scratchy throat, I had my doubts. But things got better when I got to Ladyfest. After spending all the money from my piggybank at the craftfair, I headed downstairs for the workshop on self-publishing.

Now I must say, I was pretty excited. My two favourite bloggers doing a workshop together about blogging was pretty much the best thing ever. I was also pretty intimidated. I mean, sure, I blog, but it's more of a, "Hey friends, read about my life!" deal than, you know, real writing. So going there to hear them talk about how they blog felt a little like ripping off bandaid to expose new skin. You really want to let the thing breath, but the skin is all pinky and pale. And scared. Ok, so now I'm personifying skin. That's my cue to move on.

So anyway, the workshop was really good. Jen and Megan brought up some really interesting things I hadn't thought about (like long-armed staplers....) Just hearing about their experiences blogging and zine-ing made me feel more like a "real" blogger, like the ones I read. Oh, and I am so getting a zine together. I would love that so so much. It would deeply please the tactile part of me that loves little booklets.

One thing Jen said really stuck with me, which I will now impart to you in paraphrased format. It was something like, give value to what you write, blogs, zines, anything. I guess that's something I should work on. But I know that I will. I realized how much I love writing, in any form. But here's the thing: People say I'm a good writer (which is flattering, thank you) but I don't know if I understand that. Not because of that low confidence thing, but more because I feel like to be good at something, it has to be really hard for you. For instance, to become a concert violinist, you have to practice for hours a day for years and years. To be an amazing athlete, you have to train all the time. I don't train at writing... I just write. So I feel like it can't be that good, since I don't work at it. I mostly just jumble words around in my head until I like the way they sound and then I write them down. Does that really count as a creative process?

Well, whether it does or not doesn't really matter because I know I like doing this a lot, and I think I'll keep doing it. After all, to be good at something, you have to practice, right?

Anyway, after the workshop I got Jen to sign her book for me and I chatted with them a little, which was in of itself a little surreal. I mean, these people whom I read about and whom I consider Really Good Writers talking to me. About writing. I hope I'll be a Really Good Writer some day too.

My favourite moment of the afternoon: During the part about blogging communities, Jen pointed to me and said "That's how we know Evey!" That is probably the closest I ever felt to bring a rockstar. I'm a huge nerd.

Ok, I'm off to find a long-armed stapler and a statcounter for my blog.

All we get is Dead Disco/ dead punk, dead rock and roll...

Just a note to all of you who live in Ottawa:

This weekend is fulfilling its quote of awesome. Not only is there Walk For Life on Saturday night, but also Ladyfest Ottawa is this weekend, so head over to Jack Purcell on Saturday to check out the craftfair and some great workshops (just so long as you don't steal my spot at "Write Here, Write Now: A Guide to Zines, Blogs and Self-Publishing, run by the Ottawa blogosphere's very own Jen and Megan). Not excuses -- go have a great weekend.

Ce souverain des coeurs, cette ame de notre ame

Hey everyone.

For the past couple days I've been feeling kind of down. Maybe it's the going back to school, maybe it's the friends being away; I'm not sure. I do know I'm really stressed out and have about a million things to do and not enough time to do them in. All I want to do is get things DONE so I don't have to worry, but there's so much I ignore it instead. I'm kind of worried I'm going to drown in all this.

So, if you have a minute, say hi to me. I'm feeling kind of lonely and hearing from people who care is nice. Knowing nice people have got my back makes me feel so much better. I love you all! (Except you Davis. I'm kidding, of course). I'm sorry if I don't blog a lot in the next little while.

We don't give you homework because we think you're bored at night.

I am already having such a hard time feeling motivated to work. Student's Council and Lisgarwrite are fine, I'm full speed ahead on those. Drama? Awesome. But then there's the hardcore french class and AP english. I'm actually incredibly worried right now. For some reason, I just can't get myself moving forward. These courses aren't motivating me, at all. Any advice?

I did manage to get myself motivated enough to bike down to Dave's Bike Dump on Catherine's to get my new bike tweaked (it's the emo bike; it whines as I bike along. Also, my kickstand was falling off). Kirsten was a big part of getting me to actually go. She bikes a lot and to her it was no big deal to just go there. I totally agree -- it's about a 10 minute bike ride to Dave's Bike Dump. However, I am unmotivated and used to ignoring problems until they go away. Sometimes they do, but more often than not, as I'm coming to learn, they do not. Sigh. Also, the guys down at Dave's Bike Dump are great. Really nice guys. As red-haired-braid guy said, "I get to bike and ski for a living. Sometimes I'm so fucking lucky, I can't believe how lucky I am... not going to get rich this way, but I have a fucking great life." You know, that sounds pretty good to me. I don't need to get rich and famous one day, I'd just like to have enough to get by and enjoy life, and enjoy doing it.

In other news, I just finished "The Birth House" by Ami McKay. I would like to pass this along to all of you who haven't read it. Erin, I especially think you should read it. And it takes place in Canada, eh?

Summer dreams, ripped at the seams/ but oh...

This summer has been a very different summer. Usually I welcome the long lazy days of summer when I don't have to worry about homework or getting up or... anything, really. But summer was just so hot. So gasping for breath, drowning in sweat, feeling irritable and annoyed all the time HOT. Plus, I never ended up seeing any of my friends, and I missed people after two months with my (lovely) family. So when autumn showed up with its new clothes and new school supplies (I'll do homework in a pretty new notebook) and mid-teen daytime highs (celcius, y'all), I'd be like, "oh good friend, where have you been???"

But then this summer with its friends, its cooler temperature, its feeling of blissful teenage freedom... I would not trade this summer for anything. Especially not for waking up and doing homework. Not. Cool. At. All. Doesn't help that the stress is already up to my eyeballs.

Last night was such an example of my wonderful summer. Good friends, hanging out and when we get too tired, to the park down the street. For some reason, playgrounds are just as good when you're older.

So back to school? Umm... could I just get the clothes and the notebooks and stay home?